Life can be unpredictable and it has a way of surprising us with unexpected things, whether good or bad. Huge setbacks, such as losing a job or breaking up with someone are devastating and can make you doubt yourself more than ever. These events of life tend to render many as simply floundered, or worse  dislocated from the essence of who they are and what moves them. Empowering confidence and finding your calling again is a tough task, but it can be done with the right tips and tools.

So, here is a piece on how you can start rebuilding your self-esteem after considerable damage and what therapy has to offer in terms of rekindling that spark, & taking ownership over the reigns.

Understanding the Impact of Setbacks on Self-Esteem

Whether it be losing a job, ending a relationship or the fears and mistakes that come from parenting , setbacks can have an ugly way of wrecking our self-esteems. Over time, the space created by these events can make you think that your worth lies in things beyond yourself  like what job position or relationship status you have.

Loss of a Job

Besides, losing a job means a lot more than the loss of regular income; it messes with a person identity and security. A job for many is not just a way to make money, it’s an integral part of their identity and sensemaking. It feels like you have purpose and when that is stripped away, especially unexpectedly it can leave you feeling powerless. You might, even take the job loss into yourself and see it as personal failing instead of a situational issue, sending you in a downward spiral on your self-esteem.

Relationship Endings

This can be just as strong, especially for someone that has been in a relationship with another person (and long-term too!). When people are in relationships, they tend to blend their identity with that of the partner and a breakup can feel like trying to find yourself again. Feeling Not Good Enough; Never Going to Find Love Again, IT MUST Have Been MY FAULT. Overcoming this loss necessitates redefining yourself outside of that relationship and finding the things that make you feel great about who you are.

Becoming a Parent

Having a child is one of the most beautiful thing s that cans happen to anyone, but with it comes tremendous challenges and pushes your self-worth down specifically as women. With motherhood comes an immense gravitational wave– overdoing oneself in life, loss of liberties such as personal autonomy and identity change. Some people lose interest in what they used to enjoy and may feel they are not related well with their kids or know how to help them, as responsibilities mount up at the same time that value of taking care for oneself. You need to accept these feelings and start working on your own self-esteem.

The Road to Rebuilding Self-Esteem

It is not easy, recovering your self-esteem after a setback in life requires time and effort. 

Here are the steps you can take to regain your confidence and find out who you truly are!!

Acknowledge Your Emotions

The first phase in order to repair your self , esteem is simply knowing what you feel. Sadness, frustration and anger are all normal after a set back. This will not help but slow down the healing. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of whatever you had, be it your job or maybe even a piece of who were before transitioning into motherhood.

Writing in a journal, or talking with someone might help you work through these feelings. Therapy in particular can provide you a non judgmental place to investigate your feelings and tools for getting through them.

Decouple from the Setback

The job you lost, the relationship that ended or all that is involved in being a new parent doesn’t signify your worth. Perhaps the biggest challenge when it comes to healing your self-esteem is detaching who you are, from what happens in life. You are not just your job, relationship or parent.

Do not instead search for your soulmate, first get to know what is really important in this life and within you! These are parts of you that will stay with your no matter what happens. Therapy can support this introspective journey by providing tools to increase self-compassion as well as awareness.

Set Small, Achievable Goals

Rebuilding self-esteem can feel really difficult, especially if considering getting everything “right” at one time. For example, set a small step that you can actually achieve and feel accomplished in so doing. This could be personal goals, work-related ones or just something to do with your hobbies/ any form of self-care that only concerns yourself.

So, for example if you have lost a job setting your goal should be to get ur curriculum updated or learning new skill. If you are going through a breakup, maybe your goal is to rekindle the friendships that got lost somewhere along the way or get back into something like painting which used to bring pleasure previously. If you have a baby on the way, make sure to carve out moments for yourself however small and fleeting , 15 minutes each day can be such an impactful pause.

Setting small goals can help you to get back on track and believing in yourself again.

Seek Professional Support

Getting back self-confidence following a major defeat can be hard to do on your own, and therapy is able offer the support you need in order to progress. Therapists can help challenge negative thought patterns, show you how to develop healthy coping strategies and aid in the process of rediscovering what makes your heart sing.

No matter what the circumstances fallout from a job loss, grief after the end of an important relationship, identity shifts that come with parenthood therapy can provide secure and supportive space for sorting through these tests. More About Arron » All in the Family Counselling specializes Read more of my blogs.

Practice Self-Compassion

Being kind to ourselves when we feel pain is an essential component of rebuilding self-esteem. When things do not work out, it is easy to go on a downward spin where you start self-abusing and blaming yourself for the mis-happenings. Instead, imagine how you would respond to a friend in the same situation and try treating yourself with that amount of kindness.

Practicing self-compassion means accepting your humanity, understanding that failure and mistakes are a part of life to help you change course or do better next time. It also includes converting negative inner dialog into more caring supportive words. Doing this will help rebuild your self-respect and get you moving once again down the path of healing.

Rediscover Your Passions

It does not feel good, particularly when the event also brings you to doubt your own person and identity but if anything significant often once have passed, it will never leave behind a sweet aftertaste. what is important now is readjust with our passions. What did you used to do or enjoy doing that made you feel alive? What is something you have always wanted to do but never really taken the time out to try?

I also believe that when you rediscover what it is YOU want to do, because without question we are not all put here for one purpose but many. You will begin finding at least a little piece of the path back from which this setback has taken so much away so quickly. This may be trying a new hobby, taking an evening course or even looking for another job. Therapy can help you to better understand what brings YOU joy and support you in finding ways to get back into things that fulfill your cups again.

Embracing a New Chapter

Setbacks are hard especially when things start to become overwhelming but it opens up an opportunity for growth as well. But recovering your self-esteem and rekindling that spark are not about a return to who you were before, but accepting where you now stand in life with new found power.

Spend all your years with the soul-wrenching experience of trying to regain trust after a setback in life, it does not have to be only you. Therapy is a great way to get support and advice whenever you are going through difficult times. Our therapists at All in the Family Counselling are here to help you heal, learn and reclaim your love for life.

Believe that you can navigate the challenges and come out of it all a little stronger, more confident, ready for your next chapter.